. I .
After a while normal life began to take over once again. The first few days after arriving back in the US had been gut-wrenching for Remy, the kind of time where the term ‘stasis’ would have been more accurate than, say, ‘living’. Then he had suddenly become busy, and subsequently distracted – before long he was engrossed in running the business of the Guilds again and seemed to be here, there and everywhere apart from in his own thoughts. In a way it was a blessing. In another it was only a roundabout way of escapism, perhaps even denial. Which figured, because when it came down to it, denial was what Remy’s life had always been all about anyway.
After a couple of weeks though – maybe even less – the gnawing at his stomach started to begin again. Even when he got to sit down and rest for five minutes the first thing he’d think about was her. And the more tiresome the business with the Guilds became, the more he thought that maybe his decision to leave London had been a bad mistake. He had known he would eventually get round to that whimsical, sentimental way of thinking, and he hated it; but on the other hand, it was the only kind of comfort he was bound to be getting these days. And since leaving Rogue, his libido had gone down drastically, which had made matters even worse.
Of course, things turned out to be more complicated than he had first thought they would be. He had presumed that he would get back to London within a month – but life, he realized, seldom turns out the way one wants it to. There was an uprising between those various Thief and Assassin members that still hadn’t quite got it into their heads that their Guilds had been united. And Remy, of course, had had to settle that, which had ended up being more violent than he’d planned, seeing as most of the rebels didn’t even like him. Then there had been certain family matters to sort out with his father, Jean-Luc; and then Tante Mattie fell ill, which was a blow to both factions of the Guilds and meant a temporary truce had to be called. Another month passed before she recovered, and the Guild wars began again in true Tarantino style. To make it all even worse, Bel was almost killed by one of her own clan of assassins.
By that time Remy was beginning to think he was spending most of his time in hospitals than anywhere else. Whatever the advantages of having a mutant power than gave you enhanced agility and stamina, he was beginning to feel frustratingly low on energy. He almost wished he had Nightcrawler’s ability to teleport. Then he could be in all the places he needed to be in less than a second.
By the fourth month since his trip to London, Bel was almost better. Though she had been stabbed fatally, the girl was a fighter and was notoriously hard to kill off. Nevertheless, her injury had been so bad that at first Remy had not thought she would see it through alive. He should have known better. Now, as he visited her for what he had hoped would be the last time, she was sitting up in bed and cursing at the nurse who was trying politely to get her to take her medicine.
“How many times do I have t’ tell you dat I’m fine!” she raged, pushing away the pills that the woman had handed her. “I don’t need dese stupid pills! If I had it my way, I’d back home by now!”
“Trust me, sister,” Remy spoke up, pushing the door to Bel’s room aside and walking in. “When Bel starts givin’ lip, dat means she’s better.”
Bel glared at him. “An’ I s’ppose you’re de expert, huh?”
“You are my ex-wife,” he grinned, going up to her and kissing her on the cheek, before presenting her with some flowers and a bunch of grapes. “Got you some goodies, Bel. But if you’re still too weak, I can prob’ly feed you de grapes by hand.”
She scowled. “Hmph. You’d just love dat.”
By now the nurse could tell that Belladonna was not going to be co-operative and began to back off.
“I think I should leave you two to it. But when I come back, Ms. Boudreaux, I’d really appreciate it if you’d take those pills.”
“Yeah, whatever,” Bel grumbled.
“Don’ worry, sister, I make sure she takes ‘em,” Remy offered, smiling with the utmost charm. The nurse seemed to be convinced (after all, Remy did have a way with words – not to mention women), so she left. Remy sighed, sitting down by Bel’s bedside. “Still bein’ a pain in de backside, I see,” he commented wryly.
“Try sittin’ in dis bed for several weeks an’ den see if you blame me,” she muttered, removing the pills and putting them out of sight in a nearby drawer.
“Y’know dat’s a bad mistake Bel,” he warned her, seeing the action. “You want out of here or not?”
“I’m better now,” she pouted stubbornly. “Don’t need dem.”
“You do an’ you know it.”
“Remy, I don’ wanna argue wit’ you. Now did you come here to lecture at me or what?”
“Came t’ see you, chere,” he answered seriously. “I was hopin’ you’d be better by now, but if you not followin’ doctor’s orders den I’m not so sure.”
“Save it, Remy. I’m not in de mood.”
He sighed. “Neither am I, t’ tell de truth.”
She caught his morose look. “De Guilds are still at it?”
“T’ing’s more or less quiet now, chere, since we discovered de guy what plugged you. S’ jus’ me, I guess. Feelin’ restless.”
She stared at him, eyes narrowed, picking a grape and chewing on it thoughtfully. “You been restless ever since you came back from dat caper in London,” she remarked heavily. “I thought everythin’ went smooth down there.”
“Smoother than smooth,” he grinned. “True t’ my style, chere.”
“Why must you always worm your way outta everyt’ing I say?”
“B’cause I can.”
“Not from me. What’re you hidin’?”
“Nothin’.”
“Liar.”
She stared at him hard, in that way she always did, the way that told him that she wouldn’t let him alone until he confessed. Besides, despite his natural charm, Remy had never been able to stare out his ex-wife for very long.
“Okay, okay!” he backed down, raising his hands. “Geez, why you always do dis t’ me, Bel?”
“B’cause I can. Now tell me what’s botherin’ you!”
He sighed, half in irritation. “I met Rogue in London.”
She stared. “In London? What’s she doin’ dere?”
“Studyin’,” he answered after a moment.
“Studyin’,” Bel grunted. “Sounds like she’s moved up in de world.”
“Yeah, movin’ outta my life has gotta be movin’ up in de world,” Remy muttered caustically, crossing his arms and looking away.
“You’re still sore about splittin’ up wit’ her, aren’t you?” Bel asked, a little softer, though there was also a sadness in her tone. “I thought, after all this time…”
“Heh. If only.”
“Musta been difficult, seein’ her again,” she continued. “What happened? She changed? Got another man? Broke your heart?”
He caught the bitter note to her voice.
“You'd like it if I told you dat, wouldn’ you?” he said acidly. His tone seemed to surprise her because her expression suddenly dropped and she bit her lip.
“I’m…sorry, Remy. ‘Course you still care for de girl. I jus’…I don’t like t’ see you hurt. An’ all de time you been wit’ her you been hurt.”
“No one’s fault, chere,” he answered quietly. “Just de way dis whole crazy t’ing turned out.”
“I envy her,” she replied honestly, catching his eye. “All dis time, an’ you still care for her. Why couldn’t de same ever happen for us?”
“I still care for you, Bel,” he replied slowly. “Hell, dere’s a part of me dat still loves you de way I did when we was pups.”
“It ain’t de same though, is it?” she said, looking away, her cheeks red. “Not de same as it is for her. She’s luckier than she knows.” She turned to him again, her face pale once more. “She asked you to stay wit’ her, didn’ she.” It was a statement, not a question. “An’ you said no. Dat’s why you been mopin’ ever since you got back.”
It still surprised him just how much Bel knew him.
“Geez, Bel, you make it sound like I did somethin’ dumb.”
“Mebbe you did.”
“Heh. Mebbe.”
“C’mon. Aren’t you feelin’ just a bit foolish right now? If you thought you’d made de right decision, you wouldn’ be goin’ ‘bout lookin’ like de sky’s fallen on your head, would you.”
He glared at her. “Bel, I had stuff t’ do here. I couldn’t let de Guilds down, could I?”
“Hmph. Depends on what your priority is,” she told him.
“T’ tell you de truth, Bel, I just didn’t know what my priority was. Still don’t, really.” He sighed.
“If you knew you were gon’ feel like dis, den why’d you sleep wit’ her?” she asked him outright. He gaped at her.
“How’d you…?”
“C’mon, Remy, in case you hadn’t noticed, I know you better than you do yourself.”
“It wasn’ meant t’ happen,” he replied sullenly.
“Never is, Remy,” she returned, her face hard. “It’s so easy for you t’ seduce a woman and get away wit’ it, you never t’ink dat when you got feelin’s for her, de strings attached just tangle you up and won’ let you go. Mon Dieu, Remy, grow up!”
“You t’ink it’s all my fault!” he spoke up defensively. “It just so happens dat both Rogue an’ I knew what we were gettin’ ourselves into! But when you love someone dat bad, you don’ even t’ink of de consequences!”
“If you loved her dat bad, you would’ve exerted some self-control!” she shot back cuttingly.
“Dis a mistake, Bel!” he shouted, standing up in sudden frustration. “I never shoulda expected you t’ understand, y’ just so damn jealous! What happened happened, and maybe it was wrong, but it’s done now! More de fool me, more de fool de both of us!” He suddenly became quiet, calming himself with an effort. “It’d jus’ been so long…An’ I thought we’d never meet up again, let alone halfway across de world…An’ t’ings just happened, like dey was meant t’ be. An’ I knew…I jus’ knew dat I couldn’ let her go again…But I had to…Because dat’s de way it just had to be.”
“It only has t’ be de way you make it, Remy,” she said softly.
He looked up at her, saw the unwilling understanding in her face.
“I promised her I’d go back for her,” he said thoughtfully. “I even thought I could make it. But now…She probably t’inks I’ve forgotten ‘bout her.”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone ‘bout dis before?” Bel asked. “If you needed to go I’m sure Jean-Luc would’ve helped stand in for you.”
“What? Run away in de middle of a crisis and make myself look like a coward? Bel, you know me better.”
“Thought you’d do anythin’ for de damsel in distress.”
“Despite what you or anyone may believe, chere, I have a sense o’ dignity as well.”
“So what you waitin’ for now? De crisis is more or less over, an’ if it ain’t, get Jean-Luc to finish de business. You done your best, Remy. If you really want her, den go an’ get her.”
He glanced over at her sideways.
“You speakin’ from de heart, Bel? You t’ink dat’s what I should do?”
“You love her. She loves you,” she replied quietly, her face sober. “Ain’t dat reason enough for you? Why is it dat when you love someone, t’ings become so hard for you t’ deal with? You always do what’s hardest for you – you walk away. Y’ did it t’ me, Remy: an’ God knows it still hurts.”
He sat down beside her again, touched her cheek.
“Bel…I’m sorry.”
She looked up at him, smiling wanly. “Seven years too late, Remy. An’ if you can’t do right by me, Remy, den at least do right by her. Give her what you couldn’ give me.”
*